so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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