is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
