We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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