I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
