worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
