you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
