You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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