I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
