the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
