is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
