You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
