at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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