Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
