You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
