Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
