Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
