since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a Shit stain on my heart
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
