Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
