Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
