I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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