People in love make me want to vomit
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
