proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
