i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
