I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
