i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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