ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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