And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
