I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
