at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
