My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
