Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How does one acquire holy water?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
