Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
