this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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