just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
