How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
