When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
