my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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