God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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