so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
