were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
