I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
