When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
