even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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