Dual....:-)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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