Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My balls are so social today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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