I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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