lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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