I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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