and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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