Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
