that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
