last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
